Mind your manners

As has been noted on the World Wide Web recently, we in The South-- especially The Rural South-- are a well-mannered bunch. There's the farmer wave, the "hey" to strangers, the "yes, sirs" and " no ma'ams," the hierarchical door opening/holding, and of course, the civilized behavior at 4-way stops. It's all very pleasant. (Sure, there are individual exceptions, but they are not the rule.)

I've been reading through the early chapters of  The Book of Good Manners by Frederick H. Martens, published in 1928 by Social Culture Publications (New York). What a delight.  

Parents of the "occupiers" of various cities should have read this crappy old book  20-30-40 years ago. 

Representative American parents, who have the best interests of their children at heart-- and for whom this book has been written-- will not undervalue the advantages of an environment of true gentility and culture where their child is concerned. (p.16)

 Ah. But 20-30-40 years ago we were so modern. Our children were finding themselves. We couldn't be bothered making them mind their manners. Messing with the food on their plates, talking with their mouths full, banging their spoon and fork together, reaching across others, and "chattering incessantly" were our little dears' ways of expressing themselves. Aren't they just adorable?!

Self-expression of the part on the child is one of the cardinal education principles in the child-training of our day but, as a rule, the table is not the place for it. The child is really an intellectual minor: it cannot expect to share the table-talk of its elders as an equal. (p.21).

Intellectual minor! It's so inferior to its elders that it doesn't even get a gender-specific pronoun yet.

Sadly, the "Main Essentials of Good Child Manners"-- 

respect, obedience, and regard for the rights of others, the virtue generally known as "fair play"-- (p.22) [my emphasis]

were cast aside by many parents 20-30-40 years ago. It's a shame, and it shows.

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There's more, but this seems like a good place to stop for now.