The Ghost in the Machine

Via Instapundit.com at Slate:

One recent evening, I celebrated my birthday in the outdoor courtyard of a bar. As the night wore on, and friends fell by the wayside, each departure occasioned a small ritual. A pal would sidle up to whichever conversational circle I was in; edge closer and closer, so as to make herself increasingly conspicuous; and finally smile, apologetically, when the conversation halted so I could turn to her and say goodbye.

Nothing but good intentions here. To some small extent, I appreciated the politeness of this parting gesture. It was not a major imposition to pause for a moment and thank folks for coming.

But there’s a better way. One that saves time and agita, acknowledges clear-eyed realities, and keeps the social machine humming.

Just Ghost.

In other words, just leave without saying, "Thank you."

You can send a thank you email the next morning.

Still think it’s an etiquette breach? Simply replace your awkward goodbye with a heartfelt email sent the following morning. This note can double as a formal thank you to the host—a rare gesture these days, and one that actually does have value.

1. "Agita." I didn't take 1++++++ years of Latin for nothing, smarty pants. Agita: (1) heartburn; (2) agitation, anxiety. "Saves time and heartburn" &/or "Saves time and agitation, anxiety." You need a better thesaurus, Dude.

2. How rude! Geeze. Amy is on the bottom of the pile but I see now that I have retrieved Amy Vanderbilt's New Complete Book of Etiquette: the Guide to Gracious Living (Amy Vanderbilt, Doubleday & Company, Inc., Garden City, NY, 1967) page 313 is bookmarked with a slip of paper-- that's where the term "bookmarked" derived, by the way: an actual mark in an actual book. Amy says:

"It is never necessary to make elaborate and lengthy excuses for leaving a party. A reluctance to leave should always be shown by one's manner or words, of course, no matter what kind of time you've had."

 3. "There's a better way." And of course, you, Seth Stevenson, have found it, after all these years. 

Let me pause my little rant and acknowledge the obvious, as Seth does:

We all agree it’s fun to say hello. A hello has the bright promise of a beginning. It’s the perfect occasion to express your genuine pleasure at a friend’s arrival. But who among us enjoys saying goodbye? None among us! Not those leaving, and not those left behind.

4. The reason we civilized folk make such a big deal of saying "Goodbye" is that we know it may be our last "Goodbye." Shit happens.

How have you missed this lesson?